


You

by hellagroovy



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-25 14:29:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9824552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellagroovy/pseuds/hellagroovy
Summary: You stood in front of the building with your friends. You wore a light blue denim jacket and your hair was blonde. A cigarette behind your ear. I had never seen you before.Somebody told me you had a girlfriend.





	1. Part 1

**I saw you right before the assembly on the first day of school.** You stood in front of the building with your friends. You wore a light blue denim jacket and your hair was blonde. A cigarette behind your ear. I had never seen you before. 

I was watching you from the benches on the other side of the school yard. My friends were talking about music but I didn’t hear a word they said. You lit the cigarette and placed in between your lips. Sucking harshly. I could almost swear that you saw me that day. 

But I looked away before our eyes met. 

 _Isak?_ my friend Jonas asked. 

 

 

 

 **A girl in year one said that you transferred to our school just recently.** I didn’t ask her how she knew that, I just shrugged in response. 

Her name was Emma and she kissed me in the bathroom at a party in October. She had brown hair and she looked like that famous actor. One of Jonas’ friends said that she dated a model last year. 

Emma had soft lips but when she started moving down my chest I pushed her away. She let out a quiet _hva_ before she pressed her lips to my neck and traced the skin right above my jeans. 

I pushed her away again. _Stop it_ I said and she looked at me in confusion. 

She left the bathroom and I was alone. The music was pounding on the other side of the door but I didn’t care. I leaned my head against the cool tiles. 

The police came half an hour later and I rode on the back of Jonas’ bike home. 

 

 

 

**I saw you again the week after the party.**

You were wearing the same jeans jacket that you wore the first time I saw you. You were talking to a girl in third class. She had green pants and huge hoop earrings. You smiled and I wondered who she was.

 

 

 

 **We spoke for the first time that Friday, in the boy’s bathroom.**  You took all of the paper towels and I stared at you in confusion as you raised your eyebrows and asked _did you also need paper?_ as if it was the most casual thing in the entire world. You grabbed the joint behind your ear as you cheekily raised your eyebrows again. _Bli med ut da_ you said and I instantly followed you without thinking. 

You and I sat on the bench in front of the school and shared a tightly wrapped blunt. You exhaled the smoke before you passed the joint and I sucked on it as hard as I could. It was already dark outside and I was shivering in my wind jacket. 

I was so fucking nervous. 

Then Emma arrived and she gave me a wide smile. She asked me if I wanted to be in the same group as her and you quickly said _I thought we were going to be in the same group?_ and I just stared at you for a minute before I said _yeah, I had already promised to be in the same group as …._ And then I realized that I didn’t even know what your name was and you said _Even_ and extended your hand for Emma. 

 

 

 

 **Jonas and I went to a bar in Grünnerløkka on Wednesday.** We weren’t legal but we went to this bar you could buy beer as long as you seemed sober. 

We drank four beers each before I started to feel a little bit uneasy. 

Jonas drank another two. 

He puked on the tram on the way home and we went back home to my place and we slept in my bed dressed in only jeans. 

My roommate Eskild woke us up the morning after before he went to his job.

I had a headache but we still went to school and I’m glad I did because you smiled at me in the cafeteria. 

 

 

 

**I looked for your name in the Revygruppa list.**

You weren’t on Facebook. 

 

 

 

**Emma and her friends invited me to a party on Friday and I didn’t feel like going.**

_Isak has head injury, we will be there_ Mahdi said before he punched me in the back. Emma smiled widely before she left. My friends asked me what my problem was and I simply just shrugged because I didn’t really know. 

You saw me on the tram that afternoon and you smiled widely. You had a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses in the front pocket of your denim jacket I smiled back at you. Then I asked you if you could buy me a couple of beers because I knew that you were older than me and you nodded. 

Then you realized that you had forgotten your ID card at home so we went back to your place.

You couldn’t find your ID but we shared a joint and ate toasts instead. You asked about my taste in music and I told you that I liked 90’s hip hop. That kind of music you listen to when you want to walk around the town and look cool. You just laughed at me and asked if I had heard of Nas. _Nas. Nas?_ I said and frowned slightly. _Yeah I have heard of it._ You answered that it didn’t seem like it and I insisted that I had but you just shook your head and said _we will listen to it later._

I totally forgot about Emma and her party and both she and my friends were pissed. But I felt happy when I walked home in the cold autumn weather for the first time in weeks. 

 

 

 

 **My friends were still mad at me the day after so we went to a party at Chris Schistad and I had to take three shots of vodka as a punishment for bailing on them.** The liquor still burned in the back of my throat when I walked out of the kitchen, wobbly on my legs. You and your friends sat in the sofa and I was surprised because I didn’t know that you knew Chris.

A girl with blonde hair sat in your lap and your had was resting on the lower part of her back and I couldn’t help but feel jealous. 

I went out on the balcony to smoke. It was cold and I was only wearing a white t-shirt. I lit the cigarette and took a few drags before you joined me on the balcony.

You asked me if I had ever shotgunned before and I shook my head. You took the cigarette from my hand and inhaled the smoke. I felt your fingertips around my chin and we both opened our mouths: you breathed out as I breathed in. 

The smoke was hot against the back of my throat and my lungs hurt from holding it in. I blew the smoke all over your face right before the balcony door opened and the girl from before became visible around the corner. _There you are_ she said as she took your hand and pulled you inside again. 

 

 

 

 

 **I woke up on Magnus’ couch the day after.** Mahdi was curled up in the blue armchair next to sofa.

I didn’t remember what time we came home yesterday everything was a blur after those shots I took. 

Magnus’ dad was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper. I mumbled god morgen as I took a glass from the cabinet and filled it with ice cold water from the sink. He looked up from the papers, a pair of black plastic glasses were resting on the bridge of the nose. _Hard night yesterday?_ he smiled and I groaned slightly and chugged the entire glass of water. 

Magnus and Jonas stumbled into the kitchen right after. Mahdi was still asleep in the armchair. They both looked terrible with their hair all over the place and bloodshot eyes. Jonas gave me a soft smile as he sat down at the kitchen table. 

Magnus had the coolest parents ever. His mother made us pancakes for breakfast. 

 

 

 

 **I didn’t see you for another week.** Somebody told me you had a girlfriend.


	2. Part 2

* * *

**We didn’t really know each other, so I found it crazy that I thought about you so often.** I got this weird feeling in my gut every time I thought about you, and even though it was the nicest feeling in the entire world, it also made me feel very uneasy. 

I felt so wrong in so many ways. 

So when I saw you walk hand in hand with the blonde girl from Chris’ party at the supermarket I left my basket in the middle of the aisle and went straight home. 

I took off all of my clothes, slid into my warm bed and cried under the covers for fifteen minutes.

 

 

 

 

 **I didn’t see you for a week.** I asked your maths teacher but she said that you weren’t in school.

Mahdi, Magnus, Jonas and I went to a party at some dude who went to Elvebakken. We took tequila shots and Magnus got so wasted that we had to call an Uber to get him home.

Neither Mahdi or Jonas had any money so I had to pay with the emergency card I got from my dad before I moved away from home. I had only used it once before, at McDonald’s in the middle of the night one night when Jonas and I missed the last bus. 

My roommate Noora and her boyfriend William sat in the kitchen when I came home. They were both very quiet and William’s lower lip was bleeding. Noora smiled at me. I said goodnight before I disappeared into my room.

 

 

 

 

**I called Eva on Tuesday and we took a coffee together.**

She asked how I was doing and I shrugged and said that I was okay. Then I apologized for being a dick last year and she shrugged and said that it was okay. 

We drank our coffee and Eva confessed that she had been hooking up with Chris Schistad. I wasn’t very surprised. She cheated on Jonas with him, but everybody knew that it actually was my fault that it even happened in the first place. 

 

 

 

 

**_Hey_ you said and I jumped. **

I stood by my locker. It was impossible to open and you caught me by surprise. You laughed and apologized for scaring me, and I gave you a small smile. 

You looked tired, but your blue eyes were sparkling with life. 

I didn’t ask where you had been, I didn’t want to sound like a creep.

You asked if I was going to the Halloween party on Friday and I said no, or maybe. _Are you?_ You shook your head and answered that you had way too much going on. So I simply just nodded and you punched my locker before you left.

It sprung right open. 

 

 

 

 

 **I went to the Halloween party with Magnus.** We didn’t dress up as anything we simply just showed up because we didn’t have anything better to do.

Emma was there I danced with her. Then she took my hand and dragged me towards a group of sofas nearby. We made out for a while.

Magnus was flirting with Vilde in the revygruppa, so I left alone. 

I plugged in my earphones and put on Nas on Spotify as I walked home in the cold November weather. 

 

 

 

 

 **We shared a cigarette outside 7-Eleven on Monday afternoon.**  It was freezing outside and you stood close to me and my breath turned ragged. I took short and hard puffs off the cigarette. 

You told me that you had been studying film at your old school and you asked me what I wanted to be and I said that I didn’t know. You said that you didn’t know either and that it was freaking you out a little. 

Then we walked back to school together and we talked about movies. You said you liked pretentious drama movies and you cringed when I said I liked action movies.

 _Let’s go to the movies together sometime, yeah?_ you said and I nodded vigorously. 

 

 

 

 

**You were still not on Facebook.**

 

 

 

 

 **Me and Jonas went to a party in a big house outside town two week later.** It seemed like everybody I knew were at that party. We played beer pong in the salon. Jonas cheated. 

I saw you there, and I know that you saw me too, but we didn’t speak. I walked into the kitchen to grab another beer and you followed me. You asked if I wanted to take a shot with you and I said yes and you grabbed two shot glasses from the cabinet behind me. 

Four shots later and we ended up in a wardrobe together. I pushed my hands down the back pockets of your jeans while you pressed hot kisses down my neck. Your body felt good against mine and you groaned into my mouth as I grabbed your ass to pull you even closer to me. 

We didn’t touch each other or anything, but it was still one of the best thing I have ever experienced -

Until an unknown girl opened the door and I freaked out.

 _I’m not gay_ I stated as I tied my shoes a few minutes later. 

 _Of course not_ you answered and just looked at me.  

My chest hurt when I left. 

 

 

 

 

 **We didn’t speak for another two weeks.** You tried to say hi to me in the hallway but I simply just looked away. 

 _I’m not gay_ I repeated to my reflection in the mirror in the boy’s bathroom. 

 

 

 

 

 **Eskild and I went to the supermarket to buy tampons to Noora.** Apparently her uterus hurt too much for her to function normally. There were a million different kinds of tampons at the supermarket, and neither Eskild or I knew what to buy. 

You were there, and you saw me so you walked up to us. You held a tub of toothpaste in your hand. 

 _That time of the month?_ you joked and I just shrugged and smiled slightly. _My girlfriend uses those_ you said and pointed at a blue package. You stared at me and I stared back before I grabbed a package and threw it into Eskild’s basket. 

I didn’t answer any of his questions on the way home. 

 

 

 

 

 **I followed Jonas to the skate park.** I didn’t skate. I just watched Jonas. It was November almost too cold for skating but he did it anyway. 

I laughed when he fell. He replied by raising his middle finger.

We bought kebabs on our way home and he asked about my mom. I said that I hadn’t talked to neither her or my dad in weeks. 

 

 

 

 

**Vilde wanted me to host a pre-game for the Revygruppa.**

I shook my head and said that my roommates never were going to agree with it. You were in the Revygruppa and I didn’t want to see you. 

Although Vilde had already spoken to Eskild and he had agreed on hosting in exchange for a bottle of wine. 

 

 

 

 

 **I made out with Emma again on Friday.** She took my hand and brought it to one of her breasts.

You and your girlfriend where there and I felt very uncomfortable having both of you in my living room. You danced with her and I saw you two kissing in the corner of my eye. Then our eyes met and I suddenly forgot about both her and Emma.

I broke the eye contact moments later and wondered why you made me feel this way.

Then I was alone with you in the kitchen. Everybody else had already left for the Revy party. 

And before I knew it your lips were on mine again and we were making out. I was uncomfortably hard and I almost screamed out loud when you pressed your crotch against mine - I'm glad I didn't, that would've been extremely embarrassing.

I leaned back on the counter and accidentally knocked down a couple of beer cans. 

Then the front door opened and I pushed you far away from me. I heard William shout _Noora?_ but all I could do was stare at you.

I suddenly felt the feeling of disgust wash over me. You had a girlfriend for god's sake. 

 _You have to leave_ I demanded. 


	3. Part 3

**I cried the entire weekend.**

I cried because of you, and because of me and because of my mom and my family. I cried because I had no idea of what was going on anymore. 

 

 

 

 

 **I walked up to you on Monday.** You stood alone by the tram station and mindlessly scrolled through your phone.You looked up at me and raised your eyebrows in question.

 _I don’t think that we should see each other anymore_ I said and lowered my gaze. I didn’t want to look at you. 

 _Okay_ you said as if it didn’t matter att all to you. 

 _You have a girlfriend_ I said and you nodded, still not disagreeing with my decision. I kind of hoped that you would fight back but you didn’t

I walked home that afternoon. I smoked four cigarettes in eleven minutes. 

 

 

 

 

 **There were a party at Emma’s place on Saturday and Magnus desperately wanted to go, I wasn’t in a mood for partying but I still followed.** We walked from Magnus’ house. Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus and I. We shared a joint on the way there. 

Vilde was in the doorway and she looked at Magnus with such fondness that I thought I was going to throw up. 

I got really drunk and I was dancing with Eva. She tried to kiss me twice but I pushed her away. 

I found my friends outside. They shared a spliff and I sat down next to them on the terrace. It was freezing outside and I pulled my bomber jacket closer to my chest to keep warm. I wasn’t in a good mood, and that apparently showed because snorted something impropriate and I pushed him a little too hard for it to be playful. _What the fuck, man?_ he shouted and I pushed him again before I stood up to leave. 

But Jonas grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. 

 _Hva skjer nå?_ he asked and looked at me with his eyebrows furrowed. 

I pulled away from him to leave.

You and your girlfriend stood in the doorway and made out. 

 

 

 

 

**I woke up the next morning with a throbbing head and slight scratches all over my face.**

After I left the party I went to a park nearby my parents’ house. I drank until I puked all over the swings .

Eskild opened the door to my room and shouted that Noora had made pancakes for breakfast. I pressed my head deeper into my pillow and mumbled _you don’t have to shout I’m right here_. 

I ate six pancakes. 

 

 

 

 

**I saw Jonas by the lockers.**

_Hey_ I said and he nodded at me. _I get that you guys are pissed at me, I’m sorry_ I said. 

Jonas sighed and leaned his head against his locker. _No one’s pissed at you, Isak_ he said. _If anything we’re worried. Like, what the fuck happened to your face?_

 

 

 

 

**My dad texted me on Tuesday.**

He said that he missed me and that he wanted to see me. I ignored the message and buried my phone deep into the pocket of my hoodie. 

 

 

 

 

 **The next two weeks were a blur.** Mahdi, Magnus, Jonas and I ended up at a party on the other side of the town. We jello shots and Mahdi hooked up with one of the dance chicks from school. 

Everything felt kind of okay. 

I didn't think about you at all, but then I went outside to smoke and I found your girlfriend all alone on the ground. She was crying and I felt bad for helping you cheat on her so I asked if she was okay. 

She told me to fuck off and threw a mug at me. 

 

 

 

 

 **I bumped into you in the cafeteria on Monday.** You looked good as fuck in your marine blue bomber jacket and your black sunglasses. I had to press my nails into the palm of my hand to be able to focus. 

Then I thought about your girlfriend.

 _You look tired_ you said and looked at me with so much concern that it hurt.

 _Fuck off_ I said and left.

 

 

 

 

 **I didn’t sleep very well.** I hadn’t been able to sleep that much since my dad dumped me and my mom last year. 

But now.

As soon as I closed my eyes I saw the freckles on your cheeks and your plump lips in front of me. 

What the fuck?

 

 

 

 

**I went to the the school nurse the morning after to get some sleeping pills.**

She talked about islands and I didn’t quite follow. _Kvart et menneske er en øy_ she said. 

Then she said that I could go to BUP to get some help and I vigorously shook my head. _No_ I said and she raised her eyebrows in question. _I don’t need anything like that, thank you_.

Then I left. 

Eskild was having sex later that evening and Noora slept on a mattress outside my bedroom. I could hear Noora talk about all of her and William’s troubles to somebody on her telephone. _Ingen lever lykkelig alle sine dager_ she said and I threw the covers off my body. 

Why was everybody around me talking about weird shit? 

I opened the door and yelled at her for disturbing me. And before she could answer I slammed the right in her face. 

But then I felt guilty, so I opened the door again and sighed. 

 _I’m sorry_ I mumbled. _And … William is a dick for not appreciating you._

Noora only shook her head. Then she smiled a little. _Natta, Isak_ she said. 

 

 

 

 

 **I knew that I had to talk to Jonas.** I had these weird annoying thoughts and I had to share them with someone. 

I found Jonas by the bicycle racks behind the school. He looked up and nodded at me when I approached him. 

We went to buy kebabs. It had been a while since it was just the two of us, and I had to admit that I missed it. Jonas and I had been inseparable when we were younger.

Jonas talked about some party he and Mahdi had been to while I was at home, moping in my bed. I tried to concentrate on his story, but I couldn’t. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was going to stop. 

 _Jonas?_ I tried. 

 _Yeah?_ he answered. He must’ve heard the uncertainty in my voice because he looked up from his food. 

_You know that I’ve been acting kinda strange recently?_

_Yeah?_ he repeated.

I chewed on my lip. The moment of truth. _It’s because of a person I like_ I confessed. 

 _Alright_ he said as he chewed on his food. My kebab remained nearly untouched in my hand. I couldn’t eat. Not now. _Who is it?_

I swallowed. _I kinda want you to guess, but you don’t know who it is so you can’t_ I blurted out. _Because it’s not a girl._

I guess that I had expected some kind of reaction, but Jonas simply just nodded and continued eating. He asked what your name was and I told him and it was such a relief to finally talk to someone. To finally tell someone about you. 

Because yeah, I liked you.


	4. Part 4

**Vilde Hellerud Lien**

Aktiv nå

(13:49)

_You’re in the same group as Even right?_

(13:59)

_About that_

_i don’t really have time for the Revygruppa right now_

(14:00)

_Isak!!_

_You can’t just join to go to the parties you have to work too_

(14:04)

_Alright but_

_Do I have to be with him? we’re not really the best of friends_

(14:05)

_The Revygruppa is about getting to know each other it’s not that hard Isak_

 

 

 

 

 **I found you behind the school with a cigarette in between your teeth.** I lit a cigarette as well to calm my nerves, before I asked if Vilde had talked to you as well and you nodded. _Thursday after school?_ you asked. 

 _Sure, whatever_ I agreed. 

We smoked in silence. I didn’t look at you, but I could feel your eyes on me. Then the school bell rang and we went separate ways.

 

 

 

 

 **I ended up freaking out on Wednesday evening.** I called Jonas on Skype and complained. 

 _You don’t get it, it was so awkward when we talked yesterday_ I grumbled. 

Jonas sighed and tried to convince me that everything was going to turn out alright. _Why are you even in the Revygruppa?_

 _I’m not allowed to leave_ I sighed. _If you would’ve taken care of Mahdi’s weed at that party, Sana never would’ve blackmailed me into joining that stupid group._

 _Hey_ Jonas argued _you volunteered._

I sure as hell did. And I ended up meeting you. 

 

 

 

 

**You smiled at me in the cafeteria and I almost felt like crying.**

 

 

 

 

 **Two days later, and I stood in your kitchen.** Again. None of us said anything, we just looked at each other for a while. 

 _This is so awkward_ I groaned. _Can’t we just, buy cookies or something instead?_

 _Do you want Vilde to kill you?_ you asked in response, smiling a little. 

I shook my head. _You’re right. Let’s get this over with._

We ended up having a lot of fun, you and me. We got flour exactly everywhere – I swear, I found flour in my bed when I woke up the morning after – and you showed me your favorite songs. You got so excited when I said that I had listened to Nas that you dropped an egg on the floor. _This one is fantastic_ you said as you picked a song. 

The intro was familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I frowned. You smiled at me and started bobbing your head to the beat slightly. _Gabrielle?_ you said. 

 _Are you kidding me? I’m crushing on a boy who listens to Gabrielle?_ I blurted out. 

And then I became really fucking quiet. And so did you. I felt my cheeks heating up. You raised your eyebrows before you asked _you have a crush on me?_  

I licked my lips quickly. _No_ I said _or_ I dragged a hand across my face _I kinda do_ I finally confessed. 

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. Not when you were staring at me like you thought I was the sun. Not when you looked at me with such fondness. That look. And then you smiled and took a small step closer to me. You asked if you could touch me and before I could answer you wrapped a hand around my flustered cheek. Then you leaned in a little and whispered _I like you too_.

At that moment, it felt like we were the only ones in this universe.

 

 

 

 

**Vilde was very impressed with our homemade muffins.**

 

 

 

 

 **On Saturday I realized that I couldn’t stay away from you anymore.** The first snow fell and we laid on my bed together. We shared a joint, and you told me about your hatred against Adam Sandler. 

We kissed a little and it was amazing. You left small pecks all over my face, and I closed my eyes and leaned in towards your chest. I had never experienced such soft and intimate kisses before and the only thing I wanted was to feel your body as close to mine as possible.

Then your phone ringed and you slid it out of your pocket. The called ID said _Sonja,_ but you didn’t answer. 

I swallowed. _Are you still together?_ I asked and looked up at you. 

You avoided my eyes as you answered. _Det er så føkked nå._

 

 

 

 

 **Everything felt good again.** I went to a party with Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas. Jonas tried to hook up with Vilde, but she had her eyes on a boy with brown hair in third class. 

Emma was there as well, and she was staring at me like crazy. After a while she walked up to me and said _you know that I know Even’s girlfriend?_

Then she yelled at me for leading her on, even though I was gay. 

I didn’t tell anyone about Emma’s outburst. I just went home and cried myself to sleep, still dressed in my jeans.

 

 

 

 

 ** _Rumors says that you’re gay, Isak, isn’t that hilarious?_ Magnus laughed when Jonas and I walked up to him and Mahdi on Monday morning.** Jonas looked at me and raised his eyebrows and I gulped. I hadn’t told anyone else but him, and Even of course. 

They were all looking at me. Jonas gave me a soft smile.  _I, eh, I actually … I actually had a thing with this guy in third class_ I confessed. I tried to look away, but Magnus’ eyes were way too big to miss. 

 _What the fuck? Are you gay?_ he asked.

 _No, I’m not gay!_ I argued. Then I changed my mind. _Okay, maybe I’m a little gay._

I came out to Eskild that same evening, and in that moment, I didn’t care about Emma. What really mattered was that I had people in my life who loved me for who I was.

 

 

 

 

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

(16:01)

_hey. There’s a party at Eva’s on friday, you wanna go?_

(17:16)

_Even?_

(19:34)

_Hi_

(19:35)

_Sorry_

(19:35)

_I’m busy on Friday_


	5. Part 5

**_Man, three weeks of holiday, we’re going to have so much fun_ Magnus cheered as we stepped out of the classroom on Friday afternoon.** He was wearing a red Christmas sweater, and he looked absolutely ridiculous. 

 _What’s tonight’s plan?_ Mahdi asked. He tried to walk at least two meters behind Magnus. 

 _Pre-game at mine, then we’re going to Eva’s_ I answered. 

 _Fett_.

 

 

 

 

 **I saw you on the bus station.**  You weren’t alone. Your were with Sonja, your girlfriend. She was laughing at something you said and I felt my heart sink like a stone in my chest. 

I’m busy on Friday you said.

I punched a tree nearby in frustration and a lady stared at me with wide eyes. 

I ignored her. 

 

 

 

 

 **I wasn’t exactly in a party mood later that evening.**  I had had two beers, while Magnus and Mahdi both were on their fourth. I mindlessly scrolled trough our old text messages on my phone. You had been so distant recently, and I just realized that you probably had been with Sonja all the time. 

Jonas nudged my shoulder.  _What’s up_ he asked. I shrugged. Nothing. Absolutely nothing was up. 

 _Is it that guy, Even?_ Magnus asked and looked at me with curious eyes. He tried to be supportive. 

I shook my head.  _No_ I said  _or yes, yeah._

 _What’s up with him then?_ Mahdi asked. 

 _Nothing_.

Jonas frowned.  _Hae?_

_I don’t know. We’ve been on and off so damn much. He’s probably with his girlfriend or something. He said that he was into me a week ago but he doesn’t show it, you know?_

_It kinda sounds like you're letting him play you_ Jonas shrugged and took a sip of his beer. 

I frowned  _playing me?_

 _Yeah, like, he keeps you going, then nothing happens_ Mahdi nodded.

 _But it's not like I can control what he does or anything_ I sighed. 

Jonas frowned.  _Yes you can? You gotta be completely straight up. Send him a text and say “hey dude, quit this shit!” or something._

 _“Yo, dude, quit this shit”_ I snorted. 

Jonas laughed a little.  _No but, “text me, no, stop texting me, call me when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend”. Straight up._

Mahdi and Magnus nodded. 

 _If he really is interested he'll get hella stressed. Like, if you’ve got something going on with a girl and she texts you “I’m sick and tired of you not being serious.” Then it immediately becomes serious_ Mahdi added. 

I nodded slightly. Fair enough. 

(21:02)

_Hei, hvis du ikke er interessert i noe mer så kan du egentlig bara drite i det._

_Ring meg når du slått opp med dama di_

Not even a minute later, my phone vibrated and you asked what I was doing. 

 _Write chiller hjemme_ Jonas said quickly. 

I did. And then we all went quiet while we waited for you to answer. 

 _He’s not going to respond_ I said and slammed my phone faced down on the kitchen table. I tried to smile a little, to make it seem like I actually didn’t care. But deep inside, I knew that it was probably for the best to only let you go. Or the thought of you. You had given me so many signs already. 

Magnus started talking about the beer he was drinking when it knocked on the door.  _Eskild probably forgot his keys again_ I muttered and walked up to the window. But Eskild weren’t outside the door. You were. 

And then everything happened so very quickly. I showed the boys, the beer cans and all of their shoes out the back door. 

I stood in the hallway and you knocked on the front door again. I forced myself to press down the handle and open the door. 

And there you were. Dressed in that blue denim jacket of yours. With your hair slicked back, slightly damp. And clear blue eyes. You looked at me with such affection and lust.  _Halla_ you said. I did too. And then I couldn’t stop myself. I had to kiss you, so I pressed my lips to yours. 

And you kissed me back with so much appetite. 

We quickly moved through the hallway, and you pressed me against the closest wall. I threw my snapback across the room, and you tore my shirt off my body before removing your own. 

 _It’s only you_ you said  _it’s only you, she’s gone._

 

 

 

 

**You weren’t next to me when I woke up.**

What the fuck did I expect really? That you were going to dump your gorgeous supermodel girlfriend for me? I had lanky arms and pimples on my back and–

Then I heard laughter from the kitchen. 

I quickly grabbed a t-shirt from the floor and pulled it over my head before heading towards the kitchen. 

And there you were. Dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats, mine, I guessed. With your hair slicked back, slightly damp. And clear blue eyes. Happy eyes.  _God morgen_ you said with a deep voice. 

Then you walked up to me and kissed me. 

Kissed me.

Kissed me in front of Eskild and Noora and I couldn’t believe it. 

Noora came up with a ridiculously bad excuse for her and Eskild to leave the kitchen. And suddenly it was just the two of us again.

 _I thought that you had left, when I woke up_ I confessed quietly. You turned around with a frown plastered on your face. 

 _I’m just making breakfast_ you said  _I’m not leaving._

 _But, I saw you with Sonja yesterday_ I argued and leaned my head against the cupboard. 

You had a very serious facial expression.  _Isak_ you said. Hearing you say my name like that sent shivers all the way down my spine.  _I broke up with her. We have been together since grade nine. I wanted to do it properly._

My mouth dropped open.  _Oh._ That made sense. 

 _Sonja is one of my favorite people. In the entire world. But our relationship wasn’t healthy, you have to understand that_ you continued  _I felt like she, I don’t know, she controlled all of my emotions and all my feelings and it shouldn’t be like that._

I shook my head slightly.  _Only you can feel what you feel_ I said. 

And then you took a step closer to me to close the gap between us. The kiss was soft, but slightly messy. Then you broke away for a second and said  _I have never felt like this before._

_Ikke jeg heller._

 

 

 

 

 **You stayed for the entire weekend.** You wore my clothes and ate my food and slept in my bed. I was so happy I couldn’t think properly. So I told you that.  _I’m so happy_ I said and you kissed me on my lips. 

I even posted a picture of you on my public Instagram. 

 

 

 

 

**You were going away over Christmas.**

_For how long?_ I asked. 

 _I’ll be home after New Year’s Eve_ you answered. 

I wanted to celebrate New Year’s Eve with you, but I didn’t say that. We weren’t even official or anything. 

 

 

 

 

**You went down on me right before you left.**

_Holy fuck_ I cried as I pulled on your hair. 

 

 

 

 

 **I hated Christmas.**  Christmas Eve was awful, as always. I ate lunch with my parents and none of us said anything. I had barely talked to them since I moved out in May. 

I called Jonas right after and asked if it was okay if I went over to his instead.  _Selvfølgelig_ he said.  _We have a heck load of food. Just come._

I spent the rest of the day playing board games with Jonas’ younger sister. 

 

 

 

 

**Even Bech Næsheim**

(21:43)

_Merry Christmas Isak_

I smiled at the text message. I still hadn’t told you about my parents, so I didn’t feel like telling you about my hatred towards Christmas. At least not today.

(21:44)

_Merry Christmas Even_

 

 

 

 

 **Jonas and I spent the rest of the holiday playing Fifa.**  

I lost four times in a row because you were all I could think about.

 

 

 

 

**_Bro what the fuck is up with you?_ Magnus asked one day. **

We sat at Bislett Kebab House, Magnus, Mahdi, Jonas and I. 

 _There’s nothing wrong with me?_ I said.

_You’re all smiley and happy._

Jonas sighed.  _Jesus Magnus, he’s in love._

 

 

 

 

 **We spent New Year’s Eve at Eva’s house.**  The fact that her house got trashed the last time she had a party didn’t seem to bother her at all. 

 _Mum’s never home anyways_ she shrugged. 

I sat in the bathtub with Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus.  _Isn’t it funny that we sat here in the beginning of the school year?_ Magnus said. 

It was the same party where Emma and I kissed. I wondered if she still was mad at me for leading her on. I made a mental note to apologize to her the next time I saw her. 

 _Yeah and Isak lost my weed?_ Mahdi laughed. 

I groaned.  _Shut the fuck up, you got it back didn’t you?_

 _Because Sana blackmailed you into joining the Revygruppa_ Jonas pointed out. 

 _Oh yeah_ Mahdi chuckled. I elbowed him in the side.

A girl came into the bathroom. 

 _Close the fucking door_ Jonas yelled. 

 _Chill_ the girl answered  _I just need to pee._

Mahdi and Magnus started talking about a new song that they both have heard, and it was apparently the best song in the world. The girl flushed the toiled and left the bathroom.

But the door pushed open again and Jonas groaned quiet a  _Jesusfuckingchrist._

And suddenly you became visible behind the corner. 

What the fuck?

Jonas raised his eyebrows.  _Oi, gutta_ he said  _I guess this is our cue to leave_.

 _Hae?_ Magnus asked. Clearly confused. Jonas dragged him out of the bathtub and they all left us all alone. 

You opened one of the drawers under the basin.  _Do you know if these work?_ you winked and held up a package with pills. I slid out of the bathtub and took the package from you. 

 _Zyrtec? These are allergy pills, they will make you tired_ I said.

You raised your eyebrows.  _You know this shit don’t you?_ you mocked. 

I let out a quiet chuckle.  _You make me sound like a drug addict or something_ I said and shook my head  _do you want something that works, though?_

 _Do you have anything?_ you asked. 

I pulled a small pack of pills out of my pocket, opened it and popped one out of the plastic. But instead of giving it right to you, I opened my mouth and placed on the tip of my tongue. 

You raised your eyebrows again and smiled a little, before you crashed our lips together. It was a sweet kiss. 

 _God I missed you_  you moaned into my mouth in between the kisses. 

I didn’t even feel like answering, I simply just took a firmer grip around your neck and pulled you even harder towards me. 

 _Why didn’t you tell me you got home already?_ I asked you when we pulled apart moments later. 

Your hands still rested on my shoulders.  _I wanted to surprise you_ you answered and kissed me again. 

 

 

 

 

 **We found each other at midnight again.**  Maybe it was the alcohol, but I really didn’t mind kissing you in front of everybody. 

 _Is that Even? Oh my god, is that Even?_ I heard Magnus shout only a few meters away from where we stood.  _He is really good looking what the heck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i listened to pvris' acoustic ep while writing this. check it out if you haven't heard it, it's great (-:


	6. Part 6

**I woke up next to you on January 1st, and the first thing you said to me was _fuck your breath stinks, Isak_. **

I responded with _get the fuck out of my bed._ Then I nuzzled my face even closer to you chest. It felt a little surreal, everything. 

We laid like that for another hour. Mushed together, hungover, happy, before I rolled out of bed and announced that I was going to take a shower. 

 _Alright_ you said and followed me into the bathroom and stripped off all of your clothes and it caught me a by surprise _I, eh, what?_ was the only thing I said. 

_Come on Isak, the water’s really nice._

As soon as we returned to my room, with only towels around our waists, you pressed me up against the wall to kiss me. 

 _You’re so fucking hot, Isak_ you mumbled. 

I pushed the wet curls out of your face and kissed you back. Your body felt hot against mine, and even though we just showered I felt quite sweaty. 

Then I felt a little brave and kissed you down your neck. 

And down your chest. 

And down, deep down. 

I could hear your breath catch as I slowly removed the damp towel from your waist. _Is this okay?_ I asked and you nodded furiously. So I continued. I pressed soft kisses to your hipbones. Then I licked my lips and swallowed quite hard. _I don’t know what you like_ I said with a trembling voice. _What do you like?_

And you just inhaled deeply before you smiled a little and said _God, Isak, just take me, alright?_ your voice breaking a little. 

So I did. I wrapped my hand around the base of your dick and pressed a gentle kiss to the tip before I wrapped my lips around you. And you let out a quite strangled moan. _This is way better than I imagined it_ you said and placed your hands in my still wet hair. You tugged a little on the curls, before pushing my head a little closer to you. You smelled good and you tasted like soap. 

I never thought that I would enjoy this, getting somebody else off. But hearing you squirm above me was almost a religious experience. 

 _I’m not gonna last that much longer_ you said after a while so I replaced my lips with my hand instead. 

You came not long after that. All over my face. _Shit sorry_ you laughed and bent down to get to the same level as me. You folded your hands around my face and dragged your thumbs right under my eyes. 

 _It’s okay_ I chuckled. _That felt really good actually._

 _Yeah?_ you said _It was really fucking hot. This is really fucking hot._

_What can I say? Happy New Year._

 

 

 

 

**Pappa**

(14:32)

_Hallo Isak. Are you ok? Haven’t heard of you since Christmas. I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. Mamma and I miss you. Can’t you come over for dinner on Friday?_

 

 

 

 

 **You sat in my window sill and smoked cigarette.** You wore a red sweatshirt and those light blue jeans that looked soso good on you. Wu-Tang Clan was playing softly in the background. I was on my bed. Looking at you. 

You took one last puff before you flicked the cigarette out of the window. You looked at me and smiled. Then you walked over to me, leant down and pecked my lips. One, two, three times before you collapsed on the bed next to me. 

 _Can I be your boyfriend for a little while now?_ you asked.

 

 

 

 

**Jonas called me on Thursday.**

_There’s a party at William’s place tonight, come, it’ll be fun. Bring Even or something_ he said. 

Even and I went. We hadn’t done anything else but kissing and playing Fifa for the last week. 

 _Fuck I missed beer_ Magnus sighed as he took a sip of the bitter liquid. He had spent the last five days at his grand mother’s house. _She had like three tv channels_ he groaned. 

Noora and William stood in the kitchen. As far as I knew, Noora wasn’t a big fan of parties, so it surprised me that she sat on the counter and looked genuinely happy. 

A boy in third class walked up to me. I believe his name was Mathias, and he was a good friend of William. _Isak_ he grinned and I raised my eyebrows. _I heard that you’ve become a fag._

I frowned. _What?_

 _Isn’t it true? That you kissed that fuck up Even on New Year’s?_ he continued. He leaned against the fridge. 

 _He’s not a fuck up_ I said, my voice trembling slightly. 

He smirked a little. _So you haven’t heard?_ he asked _about all that shit he did at Bakka last year?_

I didn’t know what he talked about, but I didn’t like it. _Shut the fuck off_ I said. 

 _Or what?_ he mocked. 

And then I punched him. I was quite lanky, I had to admit that. But I was still strong and my fist collided with Mathias’ jaw.

 _What the fuck, man?_ he outburst. And then he punched me back. Something in my nose broke. Or at least I thought it did. My face felt completely numb. 

I didn’t really have time to react before someone pulled me away from Mathias. William had a strong grip around his shoulders and he dragged him towards the front door. _No fucking fighting in my kitchen_ he growled and pushed him away from me. 

 _You’re so fucking disgusting, Isak!_ Mathias spat before he disappeared behind the corner. 

 

 

 

 

**_Does it hurt?_ Magnus asked.**

I sat on the kitchen table. Noora was dabbing a wet cloth against my upper lip. I winced a little. William had locked the door to the kitchen. 

 _Of course it fucking hurts_ I groaned. 

 _What happened really?_ Noora asked. She lowered her hand and took a step back. 

I shrugged slightly. _He called me a fag_ I said _and then he said that Even was crazy and I just, flipped._

 _He’s a dick anyways_ William said. 

 _William_ Noora sighed. 

 

 

 

 

 **I woke up on the sofa, dressed in only boxers and yesterday’s t-shirt.** You sat on the coffee table and watched cartoons on the tv. 

 _Hey_ I grumbled and sat up. Talking hurt. My upper lip felt stiff.

You turned around _great, you’re awake._ You turned off the television and walked around the table to sit down next to me on the couch. _I owe you an explanation._

 _What time is it?_ I asked. 

 _It’s right after six_ you said.

 _In the morning?_ I frowned. 

You nodded. 

 _Didn’t you sleep at all?_ I asked. 

 _That’s– that’s not relevant_ you stated. _You know that shit that Mathias dude said yesterday?_

 _Ugh_ I groaned _I don’t want to think about that. Not today. Can you just cuddle me instead?_

You nodded. _Sure._

 

 

 

 

**Pappa**

(10:00)

_Hei. I bought tickets to a concert in Sagene kirke in two weeks. I thought that we could bring mamma, it would mean a lot to her._

(13:58)

_Isak. Can you at least answer me? Are you ok??_

 

 

 

 

 ** _It looks like you’ve been in a fight_ Eskild said.** We stood in the bathroom and stared into the mirror in front of us. 

 _Eskild, I kind of have_ I sighed. 

 _Is it wrong that I think it looks kind of badass?_ he asked. 

 

 

 

 

 **I met up with Mahdi, Magnus and Jonas.** We ate pizza, _den beste pizzaen i byen_ Mahdi claimed. 

 _There’s one thing I’ve been thinking about a little bit, and sorry if it’s rude or anything_ Magnus suddenly said. Mahdi, Jonas and I looked up at him before he continued _but … When gay people have sex, who’s the man and who’s the woman?_

Mahdi burst out laughing and Jonas almost spillt out his Coca Cola all over the table. _Dude_ he said. 

 _What?_ Magnus said _I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently!_

 _It’s funny you ask_ I smiled _‘cause I was just gonna ask you the same thing about when you have sex: who is the man and who is the woman? But then I remembered, you don’t have sex._

Mahdi choked on his soda. 

 _Damn, Isak!_ Jonas laughed _where did that come from._

 _What?_ Magnus said again. He looked a little flustered. _Was it such a bad question? I’m seriously wondering._

 

 

 

 

**Pappa**

(15:14)

_Isak! Nå holder det! I’ve been trying to contact you for weeks. I know that you think I’m a coward because I left you and mamma, but I couldn’t help her. Jeg håper du forstår det. Jeg prøver så godt jeg kan._

(15:14)

_Alright good_

(15:16)

_I’m coming to that concert. Tar med den nye kjæresten  min, han heter Even. it’s a boy’s name_

(15:17)

_Forstår helt ikke om du tuller nå?_

(15:17)

_If you got yourself a boyfriend that’s great Isak, I’d like to meet him. But you know how mamma is, hun blir veldig fort stresset._

 

 

 

 

**_Get dressed, we’re going out_ you said on the following weekend. **

_What?_ I moaned _why? Where?_

You walked up to me and folded you hands around my chin. _We’re going back to school on Monday, so I thought that we could check into a fucking suite!_

 _A– a suite?_ I frowned. 

We had never been to a real date, and you had planned everything in detail. You joked with the lady in the reception. We drank champagne and fucked on the bed in front of the most incredible view of Grønland. 

We ate food on the floor. Completely naked. I felt so secure and safe around you. 

You talked about weddings and movies and I didn’t really understand what you meant. But it didn’t matter because I just liked hearing your voice. It was soothing. 

The sun went down and we laid down on the bed together. 

God I was so in love. 

 _You know the only way to have something forever is to lose it_ you said after a while. 

 _Don’t say that_ I said. 

 _Jeg bare tuller_ you answered and caressed my cheekbone. 

I wanted to sleep. But you kept running around the suite. _Baby, come lay down with me_ I whimpered. 

 _Yeah_ you said _yeah, I’m just going out for a minute._

It took a few minutes before I realized that you weren’t wearing any clothes. 

What the fuck? 

I opened the door. The corridor outside was empty. It was late, probably past one already. _Even?_ I shouted. 

I tried to follow you. But I couldn’t find you. 

I started to panic. 

So I did what felt like the most responsible thing to do. I dialed your ex girlfriend, since I didn’t know your parents. 

 _Hey? Hello, it it Sonja?_ I breathed. _I’m sorry I’m calling at this hour, but something happened to Even._

Sonja just sighed. She asked where I was. 

She jumped out of a cab fifteen minutes later. 

 _The police has him, he’s safe_ was the only thing she said. Then she just looked at me like I was stupid. 

 _Hva skjer nå?_ I asked. 

Sonja shook her head. _He’s manic_ she said, still looking at me. _He’s sick! Do you think he’s in love with you? He’s not! It’s just a sick idea he has right now. He memorized the Quran last year because he thought it was a good idea. Can you … Can you please just back off?_

**Author's Note:**

> so i started writing this new thing and i don't really know what it is but it will follow isak's pov from the first episode and probably past season three. i don't know yet. 
> 
> this is kind of inspired by the book det handlar om dig (it is about you) by sandra beijer, and yeah, i don't know. i hope you enjoy it?????


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